#138 + #139: Omanyte and Omastar

Right, first off, sorry I've missed out on two days: I've been majorly busy with real work. Secondly, it's time for the Lord Helix jokes to be confronted...

Omanyte is a fossil Pokemon, which means it was either a choice OR you found it from breaking rocks. What you get with it is a water/rock-type Pokemon with huge defence (100 for a first evolution is nothing to sniff at) and good special attack (base 90), but you are pretty slow (35), with poor special defence (55), poor attack (which isn't really an issue at base 40) and no health (base 35). Standard abilities give you swift swim (double your awful speed in rain, including the investment, which could actually just hinder you in a trick room team), and shell armour (prevents critical hits from hitting you), and the hidden ability is weak armour (being hit by a physical attack, your defence falls and your speed rises).

Have you considered growing a tentacle moustache?

The level up list features some interesting choices: the early moves of constrict and bite are fairly worthless with your awful attack (the former is base 10 normal and has a low chance of lowering the foe's speed and the latter being a base 60 dark physical move that can flinch the foe). Withdraw as a water move boosts your defence by a stage, but the next water move is the base 40 special move water gun, and you will get brine (base 65 special that hits twice as hard when the foe is on less than 50% HP). Between these two, you can also get rollout (base 30 rock physical that keeps attacking for a few turns, growing in power each time), leer (decreases the foe's defence by a stage) and mud shot (base 55 ground special that can lower the foe's speed). Protect is a standard move: you can't be hit for that turn, but successive use can lead to failure. Ancient power is a base 60 rock special attack that has the chance of boosting all of your stats, and so can be amazing in that respect.

Tickle will lower the target's physical stats by a stage each, whilst rock blast hits as a rock physical move with base 25 power, hitting up to 5 times in the turn. The last two moves are shell smash (basically lowers your defences to boost speed and the attack stats) and hydro pump (base 110 water special with only 80 accuracy).

In addition to the standard array of TMs, you can grab ice beam/blizzard (as well as hail, but this can hurt you), smack down (a rock physical move base 50 that knocks the foe out of the sky) and rock tomb and rock slide. Your low speed could be an advantage with gyro ball, and you can lessen your disadvantage with rock polish to boost speed a little, whilst scald is a base 80 water special move that can inflict a burn on your target. You can also take all the water HMs, surf being the best out of these as it has base 90 (not 80) and is the only specially focused one. Breeding moves can also lead to aurora beam (a base 65 ice special that can lower the speed of the foe), bubble beam (base 65 water special that can lower the speed of the foe), haze (removes stat changes) and knock off (base 65 dark physical that removes the foe's item), muddy water (just take surf) and hey, you can even get toxic spikes... If you plod over to the tutor, you can also gain access to earth power (a base 90 ground special), icy wind (as is so often the case, as has been iron defence, water pulse and snore). You can again get knock off and stealth rock as well, if you want to be a trapper.

Level up to 40 and you get to evolve into Omastar, who seems to have entered a punk-phase. To go with this new prickly appearance, you get a new level up move, which we'll come to in a bit, but no change to the abilities. Your base HP actually doubles to base 70, with attack up to 60 (not really worth it), special defence gets a much needed boost to 70 (so you can just about take a special hit), speed is still poor at 55, but physical defence is a mighty 125, with 115 special attack, making you a special attacking threat and a physical wall.

They just don't understand me, man!

As I alluded to, you get spike cannon as a new move from level, but it's a base 20 multi-hitting normal physical move, so that may have got your hopes up a bit. Stone edge is the big addition to the TM list (not hyper beam or giga impact), but even this is a trick, since it's a base 100 rock PHYSICAL move. THERE ARE NO OTHER GOOD MOVES... The tutor adds nothing.

In all honesty, I like this Pokemon. I trained one on Y because of the whole stupid Lord Helix crap and found it to be OK, kinda: nothing special, it was carried on the team by a Delphox and a Mega Aerodactyl, or by a Mewtwo, but it had a decent time and I didn't even set it as a trapper. The thing is, if you expect it to be awesome because of that meme, you'll be disappointed.

(All artwork presented by Ken Sugimori, taken from the Bulbapedia image archives)

(#133) #700: Sylveon (Eevee part four, including the summary)

So we're onto the last leg of this mini-voyage and we stumble across yet another Eeveelution wedged in to showcase something new in the game: this time it's less a mechanic, and more the introduction of the new fairy-type.

Straight off the bat, Sylveon gets plus points for being a fairy, since fairy hasn't really been balanced as yet, much like Psychic when Pokemon was first released. The immunity to dragons and the semi-uncommon weaknesses, plus good resistances makes fairy a little broken. The only issues with fairies: scarcity of Pokemon and scarcity of decent moves. Sylveon comes from a family you're used to, and actually gets some good moves. In addition to this, you get great special stats (110 special attack and 130 special defence) with 95 HP, making it a good special wall. The problems arise with an indifferent defence (65) and poor speed (60), the attack at 65 being too low to matter with regards to a mixer, and is thus utterly unimportant. Cute charm as the main ability means that contact with this Pokemon can cause the aggressor to become infatuated AND makes it more likely to encounter Pokemon if the opposite gender in the wild, whereas pixilate, the hidden ability, converts all normal-type moves to fairy-type and grants the associated STAB, as well as a 30% power-up. Sure, the loss of normal moves may be a little odd, since it can get rid of decent neutral coverage, but fairy hits most things fairly well, and so this isn't an awful trade off.

Just FABULOUS, darlings... It practically sneezes glitter...

If we skim over the level list for the final time in this enormous family, we see that we also get a new starting move: disarming voice (base 40 fairy special that isn't affected by evasion/accuracy modifiers). Fairy wind also finds itself inserted prior to quick attack (base 40 fairy special with no hidden features). Hereafter we find draining kiss (base 50 fairy special where 75% of the damage done is used to heal the user), skill swap (swaps abilities with the target, with certain exceptions, such as multi-type, stance change and wonder guard) and misty terrain (affects all Pokemon on the ground: status conditions no longer apply, halves the damage of dragon moves in play, nature/secret power become fairy-type, and camouflage makes the user a fairy). Light screen effectively raises the team's special defence for 5 turns (can be removed by brick break and defog), moonblast is a very good fairy special move (base 95, 30% chance of lowering the foe's special attack by a stage) and the move that fits after last resort is psych up (copies all of the foe's stat changes).

Down to TM time: err... Well, psyshock is something we know fairly well, it's a good psychic special move that hits the defence of the foe. Calm mind works to buff the special stats by a stage, dazzling gleam hits adjacent foes as a base 80 fairy special move, and the rest of the Eevee moves pop up again. Tutor-wise, you can nab skill swap (again) and magic coat.

Wrapping up Sylveon, it's not a bad special wall with some decent power output, but could work ok on a trick room team. You can also play a supporting role with moves like light screen, and you can annoy foes using things like misty terrain and whatnot. The biggest pain of this Pokemon is the method of evolution, which is to do with a new mechanic: you need two hearts in Pokemon amie, you need to have baby-doll eyes in the moveset and you need to level up. It's a bit of a pain to achieve this.

Now to the Eeveelutions as a whole: the majority of them are rather mundane and disappointing, but with the cases of Umbreon, Glaceon, and arguably Espeon and Sylveon you could find something decent. None of them are awful other than the base, Leafeon and Flareon... Wait, that's actually a fair number... Really, there's now too many to make a cutesy team and too many of them are surpassed by much more common Pokemon that the only real reason to ever evolve all of them is for Pokedex completion. Tracking down the evolutionary stones, fitting to time windows, grinding on Pokemon amie and looking for the correct locations to train is rather a pain in the buttocks, and I'm really not sure why people like this line so much. Sure, there's some good bits, but overall, just don't bother.

(All artwork presented by Ken Sugimori, taken from the Bulbapedia image archives)

#133 - #136: Eevee, Vaporeon, Jolteon and Flareon (Eevee part one)

Oh dear Arceus... Lord Helix let us get through this... Enough with the dumb Poke-religious garbage, this is going to be awful, since there are so many of these Eevee-lutions (as they have been dubbed) that this will go across a few posts, with the intention here of doing the Generation one incarnations followed by the Generation two incarnations next, and then combining Generations four and six into a third and final post.

We're starting here with the basic Eevee. In truth, Eevee has pretty awful stats: 55 each in HP, attack and speed, 45 special attack, 50 defence and 65 special defence. You get run away as an ability, which is pretty dire and we've slammed it enough, but you can also get adaptability (boosts the boost of STAB moves from 1.5x to 2x) and the hidden ability of anticipation, which causes your Pokemon to shudder if they have a super-effective move. In this form you're merely a normal-type.

Yup, a nice bland starting point for something that will diversify

There is an annoyingly large level up list available here on Eevee, which sadly continues on the other evolutions, meaning we'll be here for a while. Helping hand remains a bit worthless, but growl can lower their attack and tail whip can lower their defence, whilst tackle remains a basic base 50 physical normal attack (but you get extra boosted STAB if you have adaptability!). Sand attack lowers the foe's accuracy, baby-doll eyes (which is essential if you want a Sylveon, post 3) has boosted priority in order to lower the foe's attack, swift is a base 60 normal special attack that doesn't miss (unless the foe protects or flies or whatever) and quick attack is a +1 priority normal physical attack with base 40. Bite gets STAB as one of the myriad possible evolutions (coming up in post 2), and is a base 60 dark physical move with the chance to flinch. Refresh cures poison, paralysis and burns, covet is a base 60 physical normal move that will steal held items from the foe, take down remains a base 90 physical normal move with heavy recoil (which basically means it's awful or you just hate your Pokemon and are using it as fodder to only last a turn or two) and charm is now a fairy (not normal) type move that reduces the foe's attack by two stages. Baton pass swaps you out for another team mate, passing on your stat changes and substitute. Double edge is like a more powerful take down, with last resort being similar, but even more powerful (take down is base 90, double edge is base 120, last resort is base 140) and can only be used if all other moves have no PP left. The last move available is trump card, which is a normal special move that is more powerful the less PP the move will have after being used, so on its last use, it will be base 200.

You get the standard array of TMs with a few nice additions, such as dig, shadow ball and retaliate, but not that much more. You get some breeding moves (breeding Eevees is pretty useful, as the different natures can help inform what you want to evolve it into). You get some of the moves we have covered so far from breeding, as well as stored power, which gets more powerful the more buffs you have on you (great for the end of a baton pass chain), endure means you can survive the next hit and then you can use flail to hit harder the less HP you are on. Along with yawn, there are some unremarkable moves here. Heading over to the tutor, you can pick up covet, last resort and helping hand from your level list, as well as hyper voice from the TM list, snore (as always), heal bell and iron tail. I started yawning and snoring because of that list...

Now we tackle the first of the Eeveelutions: Vaporeon. We're starting with a water-type with heavy HP and special attack focus, the former base 130, the latter base 110. Away from these you get a sluggish 65 speed, an indifferent 65 attack (why this reasonable I have no idea, go for an attack hindering, special attack boosting nature as a good shout to evolve into this), 60 defence and 95 special defence. As far as abilities go, you get water absorb (basically if you get hit by water attacks they will heal you) and the hidden ability of hydration (heals status conditions in the rain). This is just like Lapras except with less special attack, slightly more attack and slightly more defence. To get Vaporeon, you use a water stone on Eevee.

It's a mermaid? A merdog? A mer-something? I have no idea...

You retain helping hand, tackle, growl, tail whip and sand attack from before, but then things change a little. You can take water gun (base 40 water special) and quick attack again. You can then grab water pulse (base 60 water special with the chance to confuse the foe) and aurora beam (base 65 ice special with a slight chance of lowering the foe's attack stat by a stage). Aqua ring can be setup to heal you a small amount each turn, whilst acid armour boosts your defence by two stages. Haze prevents your stats from being altered (but this can be cleared), muddy water is a base 90 special water attack with 85 accuracy and the chance to lower the foe's accuracy (the mediocre accuracy here means that surf is a better option), last resort is the same as before and hydro pump is base 110 but a mere 80 accuracy, again making surf a better option.

You can take both rain dance AND sunny day... Hmm... But yeah, standard TMs not withstanding, hail, ice beam and blizzard are there, with dig again and hyper beam, oh and shadow ball again. You can also take surf (of course), retaliate, giga impact, scald, rock smash, dive, strength and waterfall. The move tutor now adds aqua tail, icy wind, signal beam and water pulse to their previous offers for Eevee.

If you would rather use a thunderstone on Eevee then you get Jolteon instead of Vaporeon. Along with being electric-type instead, you swap the bases in HP and speed, but all other stats are the same as Vaporeon. Instead of water absorb you get volt absorb, which is basically the same thing except it's when you get hit with electric attacks, and the hidden ability is quick feet, which adds 50% to your speed when afflicted by a status (paralysis speed reduction is just ignored).

Why are electric things seen as spiky?

We've got the theme of having the same four opening moves, as well as quick attack and last resort. Thunder shock is the weak STAB special du jour with the chance of causing paralysis at base 40 power, double kick is randomly included as a base 30 per hit fighting physical attack that could act as a sash breaker, whilst thunder fang taunts you as a higher power 65 with both chance to paralyse and flinch the foe but is physical and thus worth less than specials. Pin missile also fits into the 'worthless physicals' category as a bug physical with base 25 hitting up to 5 times in a turn. Agility is there to boost your speed a little and thunder wave will paralyse the foe. Discharge affects all adjacent Pokemon (even friendlies) with a base 80 electric special attack, whilst thunder is the powerful STAB attack with base 110 and 70 accuracy (this actually hits flying foes with double power).

You get both sunny day and rain dance again, and rain dance can be useful to boost the accuracy of thunder. Thunder/bolt pop up, as well as hidden power and hyper beam, alongside dig and shadow ball again. Charge beam has 50 power as a STAB special attack with a huge 70% chance of boosting your special attack stat. Retaliate and giga impact both resurface as physical moves, but volt switch is a decent option, especially with your really good speed. I still hate wild charge. The additional tutor moves when compared to Eevee are magnet rise, signal beam and shock wave.

Rather than a thunder stone, you can use a fire stone and get Flareon. Did I say use? I meant waste: spoiler alert, but I think Flareon is pretty much worthless. This time it's attack as the base 130, special defence as the base 110, special attack is base 95, defence base 60 and the others base 65. The hidden ability of guts ups your attack when afflicted by a status, with the regular ability of flash fire making you immune to fire attacks and upping the power of your fire attacks by 50%.

It even looks pretty rubbish! Where's the fire?

The sub in moves are ember (base 40 special with chance to burn), bite (base 60 dark physical with chance to flinch), fire fang (base 65 fire physical that can burn and flinch the foe), fire spin (can trap the foe in a fiery vortex in the wake of its base 35 special fire attack with 85 accuracy), scary face can lower the foe's speed, smog hits as a base 30 poison special move with a medium chance of poisoning the target, lava plume is a base 80 fire special move that hits all adjacent Pokemon, and flare blitz, which is basically just a fire version of double edge.

If we look at the TM list then we get all the standard TMs and the Eevee standards like dig and shadow ball. We also get flamethrower and fire blast, as well as overheat, incinerate and flame charge. You still get rain dance, for some reason, and strength and secret power are actually among the best damaging attacks you can get, awkwardly. Will-o-wisp could be good, along with toxic, since you have decent special defence and you can grind down the foes whilst trying to survive.

We've seen three Eeveelutions as well as the base. The base is rubbish, as is Flareon, with the other two being mediocre. The ranges of attacks are not good enough to be a real threat. Jolteon has a great speed stat which you could make use of, and the special attack is decent, stick on choice and volt switch with the inbounder being a good tank.

(All artwork presented by Ken Sugimori, taken from the Bulbapedia image archives)

#131: Lapras

Did you ever play Pokemon Snap and subsequently curse this beast for being camera shy? Here's the scoop on Lapras...

One thing that immediately jumps out is the HP stat of base 130, which is moderately well supported by base 80 physical and 95 special defences. 85 in both attack stats is a little low but allows decent damage output from either side, but a speed of 60 will see you massively outsped. Issues arise with the typing: water is generally good, but ice is a let down, and brings in rock and fighting weaknesses to the electric and grass, these two new ones being fairly common in online play. Your resistance to water is further boosted by the ability water absorb, which means that water moves will not hurt you, in fact it will heal you. The next ability is shell armour, which prevents being hit by critical hits, whilst the hidden ability of hydration can cure your status afflictions at the end of each turn when you're in the rain.

NESSIE!

Sing can put foes to sleep and growl lowers the foe's defence, but water gun is the only damaging move you start with as a base 40 water special. Very soon after you get mist which prevents the foe from lowering your stats, and confuse ray confuses your opponent. Ice shard is a base 40 ice physical move with priority, like an ice quick attack, and water pulse is yet another STAB move as a water physical move base 60 which can cause confusion. Body slam is a normal physical move with base 85 power with a chance to paralyse the foe and will always hit a minimized foe, hitting them as base 170 as well. Rain dance will boost your water-type moves whilst also activating hydration, and perish song will kill anything which hears it within a few turns, which could be great or a disaster. Ice beam is another great STAB special with base 90 as an ice move (who would have guessed). Brine hits base 65 as a water special move that doubles in power when the foe's health is below 50%, safeguard protects your team from status conditions, and hydro pump is a base 110 water special attack with poor accuracy and thus is not necessarily worth picking. Sheer cold is another one hit KO move, but that means it also very rarely hits.

You keep getting all the old TM moves, and hail could be taken for persistent damage and making blizzard a viable option over ice beam, so you'd get a fully accurate base 110 attack that would normally have 70 accuracy. Hyper beam is still of minimal worth, as is giga impact. Thunder/bolt are also options you could take, thunder going well with rain dance, like blizzard with hail. Somehow, this water/ice Plesiosaur-a-like gets psychic (it just doesn't look the type to me), yet this is always a good thing, really. Bulldoze comes up instead of earthquake, but frost breath is available as base 60 ice special (90 accuracy) which will always get a critical hit unless the foe's ability (such as shell armour) negates it. HM-wise, you can get surf, waterfall, dive, strength and rock smash, making this a utility vehicle extraordinaire, but for in battle, strength is ok if you run a physical set, waterfall is a decent move, too, with the same power as dive. Dive has the semi-invulnerable turn, whilst waterfall can cause a flinch. Neither packs quite as much power as surf, which runs on the special side of things and will hit everyone around it.

As far as breeding goes, ancient power could be a good investment as a special rock move (base 60) that can grant a boost to all stats, whilst dragon pulse offers a base 90 dragon special move. Fissure offers another chance to waste a move slot on a OHKO move, and freeze dry is a baffling new move with base 70 power: it always is super effective against water-types despite being an ice move, all the while carrying a slight chance to paralyse the foe. Numerous options present themselves at the tutor, such as water pulse (again), dragon pulse, hyper voice, icy wind, shock wave, signal beam and snore as the special choices, and then aqua tail, drill run, iron head/tail, outrage and zen headbutt as the physical side. You can also pick up block and heal bell.

Lapras will no doubt have a lot of special places in hearts, but it isn't the greatest Pokemon by a long shot. It lacks the natural bulk to really go out as a mixed attacker, and lacks the major bulk to be a true tank, whilst the middling attacks need investment to be a threat in any significant way. It's not a bad Pokemon, in fact it's brilliant for getting about, but know its limits.

(All artwork presented by Ken Sugimori, taken from the Bulbapedia image archives)

#123+ #212: Scyther and Scizor

Well, we've escaped the horror of Mr. Mime and find ourselves safe and what the hell is that? A giant mantis and his robot friend!!!

Just going to say this now: I like Scyther. Despite being bug/flying, there is a decent amount to like, starting with a reasonable 70 base HP, 80 in both defences, 105 speed and 110 attack, with the throw away special attack at 55. So what if you won't be a mixed attacker, you can hit pretty hard and fast with those stats. You also get the technician ability again (boost the power of moves base 60 or lower by 1.5x, moves affected denoted by *), along with swarm (ups the power of bug-type moves by 1.5x when your HP is below 1/3rd) and the hidden ability steadfast (boosts your already impressive speed by one stage when you get flinched). So what if two of the abilities may as well not be there? Steadfast isn't that common, and ability capsules exist.

Looks safer than the clown...

You start off with the special fighting move vacuum wave* (base 40) which is pretty forgettable since, y'know, it's special, but it does get priority, like, I dunno, quick attack* which you can also get, hitting as a base 40 physical normal with the same priority. Leer drops the defence of the foe, focus energy boosts critical changes, and pursuit (sorta *) hits as a base 40 dark move that can hit foes who are switching out for double damage, gaining priority only when the foe tries switching out. False swipe* is a normal physical base 40 attack that uses restraint and will leave the foe alive, agility boosts your speed, and wing attack* is your first STAB move as a base 60 physical flying move which can also hit any foe in a multi-battle. Fury cutter* comes hot on its heels as another STAB move, this time a base 40 physical bug move increasing in power with successive uses up to a maximum 160, which is pretty scary if you can keep on hitting with its 95 accuracy and lack of initial damage leaving you open to death. Slash is an ever serviceable base 70 normal physical move (just too high for technician) that has a decent critical ratio, whilst razor wind is a shade more powerful at 80, but is normal special move with a charging turn, which ruins the appeal of the high critical ratio.

Double-team boosts your evasiveness, which can be nice, whilst X-scissor is a nicely powerful bug physical move (base 80) and night slash is a good dark physical with base 70 and an increased critical hit ratio. Double hit* hits twice (wow!) with base 35 normal physical power on each hit within the turn, air slash is a base 75 flying special (STAB but wrong stat category) that has a decent flinch chance, swords dance boosts your attack by two stages and feint* hits base 30 normal physical as a priority move that also lifts the effects of the foe's protect, detect, spiky shield and whatnot.

In addition to all the scattered stuff you normally get from TMs (here, return could be great, by the way), you get hyper beam if you wan't to waste a move slot (the same being said for giga impact, but that at least is physical), brick break, aerial ace* (and STAB, too), thief*, steel wing (which gets STAB if you evolve), struggle bug* (but despite STAB is special), X-scissor (again), U-turn (bug physical and allows you to switch out when you hit, so potentially awesome), cut* and rock smash*. Why no fly? Especially when you get roost...

To go with things like swords dance and agility, you can breed in baton pass and pass these moves onto something even more horrifying (you can also get substitute from TMs of course), and you can also get counter. Bug buzz is special and so is less valuable than it could be, defog carries utility but it probably better on another Pokemon, reversal is decent, and the tutor can give knock off and bug bite, as well as snore and tail wind.

If you didn't use the metal coat on Onix (or you had a spare), then you can trade Scyther with it to get Scizor. Both Pokemon have the same base stat total, but here we have reassigned some of that wonderful speed to other areas, mainly the defence, which shoots up to 100, the attack gets an extra 20 as well, going to 130, with the speed now lagging behind at 65. You also trade out your flying-type to steel, making you more weak to fire, and since lots of fast fire-types hang around as special or mixed sweepers, this could be a poor call. Steadfast also makes way, granting light metal, which halves your weight.

Is Hugh Jackman motion controlling this?

Instead of vacuum wave, you get the much better bullet punch*, which is basically a steel equivalent to quick attack so you get STAB. The other two obligatory steel moves that pop up in the level list are metal claw*, a base 50 physical move that has a slight chance of raising your attack by a stage, and iron head, a base 80 physical move that carries a decent chance of flinching the foe. Fling and acrobatics are there on the TM list as a potential combo, as acrobatics starts as base 55* until you lose your item, at which point it doubles to 110. Flash cannon is normally a decent move, but not with 55 base special attack, strength may be more advisable. Iron defence, iron head and superpower are added by the tutor, with the latter hitting hard but reducing both of your physical stats by a stage for each use.

We're not quite done yet, as Scizor has been blessed by a mega evolution. Mega Scizor gets a much needed boost in stats and a really dumb design. 150 attack is great, so is 140 defence, even the 20 more to special defence is nice, but adding 10 to special attack and only adding the same to speed is really insulting: add 20 to speed, nothing to special attack, then maybe it could be good. You get technician as the sole ability, but the remaining lack of speed, the massive weakness to fire (in place of less significant weaknesses to ice and poison) are just baffling with the massive speed loss from the original Scyther.

What?

I'll finish wrapping up in the designated paragraph: I like Scyther a lot, but I don't really like Scizor that much. Scizor is just not fast enough to carry enough of a threat. Even with technician, the priority moves available aren't anything ground breaking, so to do real damage, you'll be attacking later. Sure, a STAB bullet punch with technician could save you, but it may not be enough to make me like this Pokemon as much as its original form.

(All artwork presented by Ken Sugimori, taken from the Bulbapedia image archives)

#113+ #242 + #440: Chansey, Blissey and little baby Happiny

Yay! We have a near unholy trinity of a generation one Pokemon with an added evolution in another generation AND a baby added further down the line! Yippee!!

I guess I'd better start with the baby, Happiny, which is arguably most likely obtained by breeding a Chansey which is holding a luck incense. Happiny can be caught in the wild whilst holding an oval stone, which we'll get to in a bit. I hate to admit the fact that I could find Happiny cute based on the egg/oval stone obsession it has if it wasn't so hideous. You know what else is ugly about Happiny? 5 in both physical stats. You read that right, there is no typo, not 15 or 50, but FIVE as base for both physical stats. Throw onto this 15 special attack and you see you won't be doing direct damage at any time, but 100 HP is pretty nifty, and goes well with base 65 special defence, making a potential wall. The speed is a mere 30. Natural cure is a good ability as it heals a status condition when you switch out, serene grace doubles the chance of an additional effect on a move, which would be amazing on something with attacking prowess, though it could be ok-ish here, and the hidden ability of friend guard reduces the damage done to allies in a multi-battle by 25%, which is great if you're into multi-battles. I guess I should tell you that you're normal-type, and you've resisted the fairy changes.

Is this Kirby after inhaling Zero-Suit Samus?

The level up list here is extensive: a whole massive FIVE moves, basically one for each base stat point in physical. Pound is the only directly damaging move with base 40 as a normal physical, so basically you may do 2 damage to the foe if you're lucky. Charm didn't resist the march of the fairies, but it's the same as it was as a normal move, lowering the foe's attack by two stages, but any normal attack will hammer you no matter how high your HP is. Copycat makes the user use the last move used by the opponent unless they didn't use a move or if they switch out that turn. Refresh cures poison, paralysis and burn, but not frozen or sleep. Sweet kiss has also changed from normal to fairy, but the effect is the same: it confuses the foe.

You get the standard TM list, and toxic is a great choice as probably the best way to inflict damage as it is independent of your dreadful stats. Sunny day and rain dance can work if you're running as an assistant in a multi-battle with friend guard, this could actually be brilliant. Protect could be worthwhile to stop physical hits butchering you, or just improve the special walling, and safeguard can protect the team from status inflictions. Light screen makes special walling even easier, as it doubles the team's special defence for 5 turns. Hail and sandstorm could be good since a slight chipping away of your huge HP could be worth it, again with the multi-battles for things like sand veil. Rest could be awesome as it heals you fully, and you can couple it with sleep talk quite well. Thunderwave, swagger and confide are all good options to annoy your foe. Grass knot could do quite well as a damaging move, and substitute can be amazing since you have so much HP to sacrifice to it.

If you really want to go for damaging moves, solar beam can go on with sunny day, frustration and return offer decent STAB options, psychic is a decent power psychic special move (no point in discussing power, more importantly it has a 10% chance of lowering the foe's special defence, which doubles with serene grace), shadow ball is a ghost special move that is a little less powerful than psychic but has twice the chance of the added effect, flamethrower is the same as psychic in power (90) with the same 10% chance but this time of inflicting a burn, whilst fire blast has been nerfed over the years down to 110 power and from 30 to 10% chance of the burn, and has lower PP and 85% accuracy, arguably making it less favourable than flamethrower. Incinerate is also a fire move, but much lower power (60), but the great thing about it is that it burns off the foe's berry or gem. Round, echoed voice, hidden and secret power all offer some damage, but even facade doesn't come recommended this time around with the abysmal stats.

As far as egg moves go, you can get counter, and since you'll take a huge hit to HP from any physical move, hoping the massive HP reserves keep you alive, you can destroy the foe as a one off since you reflect the physical damage back at them twice over. Helping hand can again work on a multi-team raising a team-mate's base power of the move they are using by 50%, and can be coupled with another assistant on a triple-battle. Aromatherapy and heal bell cure all status afflictions on the team, and endure lets you hang on to life if the incoming hit would prove fatal. Gravity pulls the foe down to earth to be hit by ground moves, Metronome picks randomly from an enormous pool of moves (not quite comprehensive), mud bomb has a 30% chance of lowering the foe's accuracy as well as being base 65 with 85% accuracy as a ground special. Natural gift inflicts damage based on the held berry with no secondary effect, and present is a really stupid move. I also don't like last resort, it hits hard, but it's basically like a hyper powered struggle that you've given up a move slot for, as it can only be used when all other PP has gone. Don't take last resort, please!

The tutor has rather a lot of moves on offer, such as covet, a base 60 normal physical move that steals the foe's held item, basically a normal version of thief. Endeavour drags the foe's HP down to what you are on, and drain punch is a base 75 physical fighting move that drains the foe's health and heals you a little. Several of the other moves you can get have been covered before (gravity, heal bell, helping hand, shockwave, last resort), whilst recycle could be a great addition alongside rest and a chesto berry. Snore can also work as well if you feel confident that you can do damage to a degree it matters. Uproar prevents foes from falling asleep and does decent normal special damage at base 90 (though this is neutralised by soundproof as an ability). You can also grab icy wind, water pulse and zen headbutt.

If you level up holding that oval stone we mentioned, you get the original Pokemon, Chansey. Ah, Chansey, seen very early on in the anime as being slave workers in Pokemon centres the world over... The only ability change is the loss of friend guard to make way for healer (30% chance of healing an adjacent ally's status condition at the end of each turn). You keep the 5s in the physical stats, but other than that, things pick up at least a little: 35 special attack, 105 special defence (nice for a special wall), 50 speed brings you past that pesky trickle of treacle running down that one degree slope, but the thing that really makes it is base 250HP.

What's with the fronds, Slave-Nurse?

I hate the fact that Happiny's whole moveset has been thrown away, or at least scattered around other moves.. This is becoming a slog for something not even that good. Yeah, you can carry forward the Happiny moveset through this, but now we have so much more to talk about... So we'll start with double-edge (normal physical base 120) which won't do too much damage, and you probably won't notice the recoil since your HP is enormous and it'll be around 3HP damage anyway. You also get defence curl to add a little bit to that dreadful base 5, pound survives but is still useless, and growl reduces the foe's attack by a stage to make sure they don't utterly destroy you. Tail whip pops up with refresh, and double slap hits a few times at base 15 normal physical for each hit. There's been nothing worthwhile so far, but soft-boiled actually changes things a little by acting as a seriously helpful healing move, transferring 20% of your HP to that of a friend outside of battle, and can also heal yourself by 50% of maximum HP. Bestow gives your held item to the target, which could be used in a sort of squire to a knight kind of role, or offloading something awful onto the foe, like a choice item that doesn't correspond to anything they actually want.

We know two things about minimize: it boosts evasion but makes you more susceptible to certain moves, like stomp. Take down is a less powerful version of double edge, and is thus rather useless. Sing is a 55% chance to induce sleep move, fling varies depending on what held item you have as it throws it away (which may work if you've stolen their item and you don't really want it, or if you want to steal another item later), heal pulse can heal the target (not yourself) by up to 50% of their HP, and egg bomb also comes up (base 100 normal physical with 75% accuracy with no secondary effect to actually make up for the accuracy that is approximate to my darts throwing). Healing wish is the last move by level up that we haven't yet talked about (you can get light screen and double edge again), and healing wish KO's the user, switching in a target which gets healed and cured of status.

Take Happiny's TM list and throw in a dash of ice beam, blizzard, hyper beam, thunder/bolt, earthquake and brick break to disappoint in how little damage you can actually do using powerful moves. Rock tomb, giga impact, bulldoze and rock slide also disappoint, grass knot is still there, and I failed to mention dream eater earlier for Happiny, but it's still here and does heavy special damage (if you have a special attack) and it actually drains the foe's health IF they are asleep. Wild charge comes in as an electric physical recoil move that just isn't worth it, power-up punch boosts your attack but it isn't really worth it, and nor is rock smash. Strength is reasonably powerful at base 80 physical normal, but dazzling gleam is arguably better despite lacking STAB as a fairy move since it's the same power but special, and special attack is far far better than physical on this egg monster. Seismic toss is actually added to the breeding list if you don't breed for a Happiny, and a few more moves are added to the tutor list: iron tail, the elemental punches, stealth rock, shockwave, focus punch (and since substitute is a viable option here then maybe use it for a change), and skill swap.

If you make friends with your Chansey, you can get a Blissey. Blissey has 255 HP, 10 in both physicals (wow, they actually doubled!), 75 special attack, 135 special defence and 55 speed. You do realise that eviolite on Chansey actually gives you better special defence at the cost of the damage output, 5 base in HP, and 2.5 reduction in physical defence. It's arguable that Chansey is a better shout if you want a fully special wall, but it's kinda debatable. You remain normal-type and you keep the abilities Chansey gave you.

YAY! Another pretty much spherical Pokemon!

There aren't really any additions to the movelists for Blissey, so we may as well just wrap this up. Yeah, it's a special wall that can just barely take a physical hit unless you intend on countering for enormous damage. You can work as a cleric or an assistant in double battles, and you can healing wish to really help out an injured sweeper. A lot of people pair it up with Skarmory (a physical wall), and that's all I can really say.

(All artwork presented by Ken Sugimori, taken from the Bulbapedia image archives)

#96 + #97: Drowzee and Hypno

Why is it that there are psychic pig Pokemon (see Spoink and Grumpig later on as well)? Drowzee and Hypno were basically unbeatable in generation one due to errors, but how do they really hold up?

Drowzee is a hideous design, and the stat list isn't too spectacular. It has a good base 90 special defence and ok HP (base 60), but with psychic, you would expect better special attack than 43, or even better than the 48 attack. Speed is in the gutter with only base 42 and defence prevents full tanking with 45 base. As far as abilities go, you get access to insomnia (rather ironic since you're called Drowzee, this prevents you from being put to sleep), forewarn (tells you your foe's most powerful attack) and the hidden ability being inner focus (prevents you from being flinched). Nothing amazing there... Oh, and as alluded to, you're pure psychic.

Dear God NOOOO!

You start with pound, and your name's move (from Japanese) of hypnosis. The thing is, you don't get dream eater by level up (take it from TMs). You do get disable, confusion and headbutt. Poison gas has a high chance of poisoning the foes (90%), and you can also take meditate to boost your attack by one stage. Psybeam is next up, effectively replacing the special psychic confusion but with a bit more power (65 rather than 50), and then you can take headbutt again (physical normal base 70). Psych up copies the foe's stat boosts, whilst synchronoise looks tempting with very high power (base 120 psychic special) but it only hits those who are the same type as you, meaning a non-effective hit on other psychics (hope that your foe is psychic/fighting for a neutral hit). Zen headbutt is a little less accurate than headbutt, but is base 80 and psychic, so you get STAB when it lands, and swagger is a classic we've discussed often before. Psychic is really a better option than synchronoise at base 90 and hitting anything, and psyshock is also using your special attack but hits the foe's defence for some versatility (10 lower power at base 80, but so worth it). Nasty plot gives a two stage boost to special attack, and the last move is future sight, which hits as hard as synchronoise but after a two turn delay, so your foe has plenty of chance to swap out to a dark-type and resist it entirely.

By TM, calm mind, hidden power (depending upon what type you get), toxic, protect, safeguard, reflect, thunderwave, trick room and confide are all decent options if you can sit around and survive. I would say rest, but with insomnia it won't work. Toxic can whittle the foe down whilst they sleep, which pretty much makes up for your lack of damage output, and protect can stall them more. With hypnosis and maybe dream eater, you can whittle down most things bit by bit. If you're looking to actually dole out damage, you can take power-up-punch, dazzling gleam, secret power, low sweep (also drops their speed), brick break, facade and shadow ball. Light screen is a decent shout for something to take, and you could always setup sunshine or rain for your team.

You can breed in the elemental punches, barrier, skill swap (can wreck things), psycho cut, guard swap and barrier if you can be bothered. If nothing strikes you fancy, go to the tutor for the elemental punches, skill swap and zen headbutt again! The tutor can also give focus punch, drain punch, foul play, signal beam and snore, along with role play, magic room, magic coat, snatch, trick and recycle.

You can evolve at level 26 into Hypno (sadly not a toad). Yeah, things get a little better: 85 HP is a nice increase, 73 on both attacks, 70 defence and 67 speed, but the thing that gives this Pokemon mileage is the 115 special defence. There's no chance to mono-psychic nor to the abilities. Oh, and this Pokemon is also hideous!

GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!

As far as level up goes, nightmare and switcheroo come into play. Switcheroo swaps held items with the target, whilst nightmare can take 25% of the foe's HP per turn when they're asleep, basically being the best routine move you could hope for since it requires no investment in attack or special attack, allowing you to focus on survivability. The standard TMs come in with hyper beam and giga impact, as well as focus blast, but that's about it, really. Nothing new from the tutor.

All in all, I really don't like Drowzee and Hypno much. I hate their design, they're rather forgettable, despite some usability, and they remind me of a nightmare I had when I was very young, so I doubt you'd ever see them on my team. This isn't a reason not to use them, however: a reason not to use them is because their abilities are poor and their stats are mediocre.

(All artwork presented by Ken Sugimori, taken from the Bulbapedia image archives)

#95 + #208: Onix and Steelix

Oh joy! We get to Onix and Steelix, the latter at least looking more as if it's made of the material it's named for... And it's another addition of a second generation evolution, another trade evolution, and it also needs trading with a held item... Joy, it's the holy trinity!

Onix is a big snake/rock thing, making it susceptible to grass knot or whatever. The thing that immediately leaps out at you is that it has huge physical defence (base 160), and the speed isn't too bad for an unevolved rock/ground Pokemon (base 70). Sadly, that's where the positives end... 35 HP, 45 attack and special defence and just 30 special attack. Also, the reasonable speed means that it isn't really that great on a trick room team, and it's still too slow to be viable. Rock/ground also gives it a myriad of weaknesses, including 4x to water (which is pretty common), and it's also weak to fighting, ground and steel. Yes, it can resist fire and poison fairly well, but on the off chance of grass moves (think grass knot, hidden power, or hidden ability Serperior or a Chesnaught) then you're dead.

Why does it have that ridge on its head? People won't really confuse this with a shark, surely?

As far as abilities go, you get sturdy (allows you to survive a one hit KO, but it's made irrelevant if you have any damage before the hit lands), rock head (prevents move recoil damage, but not from held items like life orb, or even the damage from missing things like jump kick, and also doesn't resist self damage from struggle), and the hidden ability is weak armour (physical attacks lower the defence and buff speed by one stage each for each hit, including each hit as separate in multi-hit attacks). None of these abilities are great, but I don't think the hidden ability is worth it...

Sorry, that got a bit out of hand... And so might this, since there are loads of moves available by level-up... Mud sport, tackle, harden and bind are all on offer at the start, with harden being arguably the best of these as it boosts defence by a stage. Mud sport lowers electric damage, but you're immune as a ground type, so therefore it only works to support allies. Curse will drop your speed a stage (which may be worth it for trick room and gyro ball), and boosts attack and defence by a stage. Rock throw is your first STAB move as a rock-type attack (who would have thought), and it's not too bad (base 50 physical, with no secondary effect) but it is entirely eclipsed by the next move in the level up, rock tomb, which is more powerful (base 60), more accurate (95 instead of 90) and can lower the foe's speed, all whilst having the same PP.

Rage is a terrible move that you shouldn't ever really consider, whilst stealth rock gives Onix a nice niche as a trap setter: throw it out first with sturdy and set the stealth rocks. Rock polish boosts your speed, but gyro ball hits the foe harder the slower you are (so rock polish lowers your damage, whilst curse both boosts your attack and lowers defence). Also, gyro ball is steel, and you can be steel type if you evolve. I like the move smack down even if it is only base 50 physical rock, since it drops levitating and flying foes to the ground, allowing them to be hit by ground moves. Dragon breath is a moderately powerful special move (60) and can paralyse the foe 30% of the time. Slam has base 80 damage as a normal physical, but it has poor accuracy (75). Screech lowers the foe's defence by two stages, rock slide packs a nice punch (base 75 physical with a decent flinch chance), and sand tomb traps them in a damaging storm for a few turns.

The rest of the level set is pretty much packed with high damage moves. Iron tail hits very hard, and will get STAB if you evolve, but it has 75 accuracy (sadly), which pretty much negates the appeal of the chance to lower the foe's defence. Dig is a good move except that it has that semi-invulnerable turn (actually not bad if you've put the foe in a sandstorm for example), but at base 80, it lacks the sheer power of earthquake (base 100). Stone edge is a scarily powerful base 100 rock physical move with an increased critical hit ratio, but it has only 80 accuracy, and double edge is a very powerful (base 120) normal physical move with heavy recoil UNLESS you have the rock head ability, which could work here. The last move you get is sandstorm, so you can summon a sandstorm as weather and hit foes for a little damage per turn, as well as offering speed boosts or evasion boosts to team mates (and foes, actually).

Roar comes in as a TM move, and if you believe you can take a hit or two, get stealth rocks out and then roar, hurting the incoming foe possibly more than your usual attacks will. Instead of roar, however, there is dragon tail, which does the same thing but hits at base 60 physical (except for fairies). A lot of the moves on offer here are those available through level up, like rock throw and dig, but you could take earthquake unless you want the two turns of dig for some reason (hey, I outlined one above). Taunt, protect, return/frustration and swagger could all be of use, and flash cannon is a pretty decent steel special (gaining STAB if you evolve) that can lower the foe's special defence a stage. Payback could work quite well since you're fairly slow and can take a fair degree of physical punishment. Explosion is never really worth it, hidden power could be worth it but will lack significant power, and strength, rock smash and secret power are actually decent coverage options. Bulldoze is also an ok move since it can lower the foe's speed.

Rock climb is an ok move from breeding, as are rock blast and rollout. Heavy slam is a steel physical move that hits harder the heavier you are compared to the target, and since you and your evolution are incredibly heavy, then this is a decent option. Defence curl is obviously ok as it boosts your best stat, and flail isn't bad either. The tutor can give you earth power as a special ground move, and keeping with special moves, dragon pulse is pretty powerful (base 85). Iron head and iron tail are both available here as well.

Trading with a metal coat will get you a Steelix, which obliterates your speed (down to 30), but offers nice boosts elsewhere: 75HP, 85 attack, 200 (yep, two hundred) base defence, 55 special attack and 65 special defence, making you a decent physical wall. Rock head and sturdy remain in place as the standard abilities, but sheer force comes in as the hidden one. Sheer force negates secondary effects of moves (like burn chances and such) to increase the raw power by 30%. Further to all this, you shed your rock type and pick up steel. Great, to add to water and fighting, you're now weak to fire, but you are immune to poison and electric, and have a nice list of semi-common to overused (dragon and fairy) resistances.

WHY DOES IT HAVE WINGS?

Other than the introduction of the elemental fang moves (physical base 65 with a small chance to inflict their status) to the level up list, the only other changes are autotomize (lowers your weight by 220lbs but boosts speed by two stages), crunch (dark physical with base 80 and the chance to lower the foe's defence) as well as the loss of stab on rock-type moves and the addition of STAB to steel ones.

If you were hoping for big changes to the TM list, be disappointed. Dark pulse and cut come in, and STABs change, but that's about it. As far as I'm aware, you don't even get access to hyper beam and giga impact. The tutor now gives magnet rise (yay?) and aqua tail in addition to what they already offered.

We're not done yet, since Steelix, for some reason, got a mega evolution. This gives you a massive 230 defence (one of the best available), and a nice boost to attack (up 40 to 125) as well as 30 more to special defence, meaning you could almost take a couple of fire and water hits, maybe? You now have only one ability when you are mega evolved: sand force (rock, ground and steel moves get a 30% boost to power when in a sandstorm). You also look kinda dumb, as well.

Ok, it has a beard now?

Overall, this is a line I never really bothered with for some reason. It makes for a very good physical wall, and Steelix can offer some damage output as well. Stealth rocks offers a niche, too, as does dragon tail if you want to get everything done in one go, but toxic spikes and spikes would have been welcome as well. Mega Steelix probably isn't worth your one mega evolution on the team, but it isn't as bad as I first thought, other than the design being a bit freaky. Also, shiny Steelix is golden, which actually doesn't look as bad as it sounds. All in all, this isn't a dreadful Pokemon if you can figure out how to use it best.

(All artwork presented by Ken Sugimori, taken from the Bulbapedia image archives)

#79, #80 + #199: Slowpoke, Slowbro and Slowking

For this Pokemon you'll need either a set of trusty shears or something to scare off Team Rocket depending on whether you think taking their tails is evil, but you may face competition from another Pokemon...

Slowpoke has become a meme, so that counts against it. However, it's cute, especially because of it's overwhelmingly dumb appearance. It's slow (as the name suggests), really slow at only base 15 speed, but that's fine for a trick room team, and there is potential in 90 HP and decent physical stats (65 in each). The special stats are a little poor at only 40 each (for now). Slowbro also gains three great abilities: oblivious (you don't get attracted/infatuated by the enemy and you can't be taunted into doing stuff), own tempo (prevents the Pokemon from becoming confused) and the hidden ability regenerator (regenerates 1/3rd of its maximum HP when switched out). Seriously, these are great abilities. Oh, you're also water/psychic-type, which is pretty good, in truth.

He's so happy you came to see him! Sadly, you were there eight years ago...

Straight off the bat you get curse (this move differs in effect, being different for ghosts than for anything else, so here it will cut your speed, which is no real tragedy, and boost both attack and defence, so not bad), yawn (puts the foe to sleep after a couple of turns) and tackle (you know this one). Thereafter you get growl (lowers their attack a little) and water gun as your first STAB move (water special base 40) followed by confusion (psychic special base 50 and can confuse the target). Disable is a really annoying move as it prevents the foe from using the move that last hit you again. Headbutt is a decent physical move (base 70 with the chance to flinch and is normal-type), and you can also then pick up water pulse (special base 60 and can confuse, so I like it). Zen headbutt is a nice psychic physical move that can flinch the foe and hits hard at base 80. Slack off is the last move before one of two possible evolutions, here you take the turn off in order to recover half your HP.

The other moves you can get here include amnesia (two stage boost in special defence), psychic (special base 90, guess the type), rain dance, psych up (copies the foe's stat changes, and is consequentially awesome to use when the foe has used a baton pass run) and heal pulse (can heal others by 50% of base HP).

There are a lot of moves available by TM here, so forgive me if I miss a few. Ones of note include psyshock (uses your special attack against their physical defence), hidden power (you know this one), calm mind (raises both special stats by a stage), ice beam (forget blizzard's dreadful accuracy, low PP and only 20 more power, ice beam hits base 90), light screen (halves damage from inbound special attacks across your team for 5 turns), safeguard (prevents inbound status effects for 5 turns), frustration/return, earthquake (great to cover electric and it's earthquake, so you know the drill), dig (you know this), shadow ball (base 80 special ghost), flamethrower/fire blast (you know the story here, take power or accuracy), facade, rest, round/echoed voice, scald (probably worth a look with it being powerful and having the ability to inflict a burn), incinerate (base 60 fire special that will burn the opponent's berry), thunderwave (electric-type and thus ignored by ground but will paralyse most foes), bulldoze, dream eater (base 100 special with STAB and couples with yawn from level up, but only works if the foe is asleep), grass knot, swagger, sleep talk (basically essential with rest), substitute, trick room (basically more haste (or speed stat) less (observed) speed), secret power, surf, strength and dive. So quite a few... Though why it gets fire and electric moves is beyond me...

If you plan on eating berries in battle then by all means breed in belch for 120 base special poison damage, else don't bother. That basically applies to all breeding moves: future sight's immense power is a bit of a dud since it only hits after a few turns of sitting around being killed, snore may be ok if you plan on using rest or being put to sleep, belly drum is rarely worth it, though I guess with the dreadful speed then me first can work ok (steals the opponent's move with priority and more power but only if they're using a damaging move). The tutor is of moderate use: lots of moves you could have taken, some moves you maybe shouldn't take, and then aqua tail, recycle, iron tail, icy wind and if you're mad and want to swap out your great abilities then by all means take skill swap and watch me frown a bit at you.

Evolving by level, you get to Slowbro, who doesn't seem to have noticed that he is being eaten by a Shellder... According to Bulbapedia, the Shellder makes it stronger, and without it, Slowbro becomes a lowly Slowpoke again. But enough: you keep the same abilities on evolving, and gain nicely in base stats: 95 HP, 75 attack (small steps for those), 110 defence (big step), 100 special attack (giant leap), 80 special defence (not bad) and 30 speed (...)...

Guys, the pain in my tail stopped after an instant and I feel great! Let's go play!

Skipping the identical level up list (well, levels shift a bit) and going straight to the TMs, you get the obligatory hyper beam (waste of time) as well as some more interesting options like aerial ace, brick break and focus blast, as well as fling and rock smash, which I don't recommend. The tutor also adds drain punch, focus punch, ice punch, foul play, iron defence and magic coat (ignore trick for the same reason you ignore fling).

Held item here can be important as Slowbro got a Mega Evolution! So what's the point of Slowking? In terms of mega evolution, you get shell armour as an ability, along with 70 extra defence (180 base) and 30 extra special attack, with no other changes.

"I may be being eaten, but that's no excuse to not hug me... How rude!"

What is the point of Slowking? You need a king's rock trade to evolve Slowpoke for 95 HP, 75 attack, 80 defence, 100 special attack and 110 special defence and still just 30 speed, so basically a specially defensive equivalent of Slowbro, who got a mega and is now so much better it's unfunny... You keep the same abilities, but now at least you have a funny crown and a weird neck ruff thingy...

Ariana Grande?

You can add power gem to your repertoire by level up (special rock-type base 80) along with nasty plot (boosts special attack) and trump card (does more damage the less PP you will have left after using, which is just weird but can be devastating if it's on its last use). The TM and tutor moves are the same as Slowbro...

Slowbro is pretty great now since it has a mega, making the alternative of Slowking rather redundant unless you desperately need that special defence. Slowpoke is a nuisance, really, as a pre-evolution as it sort of sucks at what makes the evolved forms good. The special attack, HP and whatever defence you have makes this an excellent wall, and if you train the other defence and HP then it can make for a decent tank. The designs are also adorable...

(All artwork presented by Ken Sugimori, taken from the Bulbapedia image archives)

#77 + #78: Ponyta and Rapidash

I love how the rose-tinted nostalgia spectacles of the 'gen-one-ners' who criticise anything from Chikorita onwards as unoriginal and stupid can overlook that these two Pokemon are literally just burning horses...

Ponyta is reasonable, I guess. It looks cute, it's fire-type (usually a good thing) and it has 85 attack and 90 speed, with decent 65s in both special categories and 50 HP, 55 defence. Run away is a useless ability, but you also get flash fire (being hit by fire means that your fire moves get stronger, which is pretty decent) and the hidden ability of flame body, which is good both in battle and in the overworld. In battle, physical contact with flame body Ponyta will inflict a burn on the attacker, whereas if you're walking around to hatch an egg, flame body makes this process twice as fast, which is pretty useful if you're breeding for serious competitive play and don't want to spend years hatching (merely months).

The favourite of Bronies everywhere...

Remembering that your physical attack stat is better, you get some decent moves available by level-up. Growl is there for lowering the foe's attack and tackle to hit for normal physical base 50 when you start out. From there, you get tail whip to lower their defence, and ember, a base 40 special fire move. A little while after this you get the much more preferable flame wheel, which is both more powerful (60) and more in line with what you'll likely be built as (it's physical). Stomp is a pretty good normal-physical move for coverage at base 65 and can ruin foes who have used minimize, which few things tend to do so. Thereafter you can get flame charge, which is slightly weaker than flame wheel but does boost your speed by one stage. Fire spin is a fairly weak special attack (base 35) but does trap the foe in the fiery vortex for a few turns, keeping them in play and taking sustained damage. Take down hits hard (base 90) and is physical and normal (coverage option, maybe) but does come with only 80 accuracy and rather heavy recoil. Inferno is special and base 100 with STAB, but lacks accuracy (50) and PP (5) yet will inflict a burn on the target. Agility comes in to allow boosts to speed.

The remaining moves come after the chance to level up at level 40. Fire blast is mildly inaccurate with only 5PP but hits with 110 base as a special fire move (the same type as most moves available by level up, it seems). Bounce is an interesting prospect as a flying move, like fly it has the turn out of the way but hits with less power (80) and less accuracy (85), but since this combats one of your major weaknesses (ground) and gives you the semi-invulnerable turn then it could be very useful. The last move by level up is flare blitz, a physical fire move with base 120 power and 100 accuracy but will lead to severe recoil.

As per usual you get things like toxic and hidden power, and as a fire-type you definitely get sunny day but not rain dance available from the TM list. It would be worth mentioning if toxic didn't come up. Oh, and yes, you do get return, rest, sleep talk, substitute, swagger, confide, facade (but you can't get burned so rely on poison or paralysis), attract, protect and double team, too. As for more interesting ones, solar beam gives much needed combat for water-types (you shouldn't really be in against water, but if you only have Ponyta left and they have a water-type, all you can do is fight or give in) and since you may have gone with sunny day to boost fire damage then this could work. An alternative is to take wild charge (electric physical base 90) if you can stomach the recoil. Secret power and strength offer reasonable power (70 and 80 respectively) as neutral coverage to most things. You also get to take flamethrower if you'd rather that to fire blast and want to run special, and you also get overheat (if you don't mind decreasing your own stats using a powerful move) and incinerate. Finally, there's will-o-wisp.

From the breeding list there is not much to write home about: things like charm I find to be rather useless, and double-edge is just a better take down. What you could take is double kick (base 30 physical fighting that hits twice, so effectively base 60 and a sash breaker), or maybe low kick (based on the foe's weight) or horn drill (hits lower level foes and is more accurate the more you outlevel them, leading to a one hit KO). Thrash is a very powerful (base 120 physical) normal move that attacks for a few turns and then leaves you confused. The tutor is rather useless: bounce (see above), heat wave (strong but special), iron tail (strong, inaccurate and can lower the foe's defence), low kick (again) and snore (as they always give).

In truly unoriginal style, every stat increases in base by 15 upon evolving to Rapidash. 100 attack and 105 speed is pretty good, and hey, even 80 special attack is pretty good. The thing is, you're stuck with the same abilities, so run away is still there, making you worse.

Fresh out of the Queen's stables...

As you may have guessed, the level-up list has not changed, not even levels. Hyper beam and giga impact are now available as TMs, but a better option is probably poison jab. The ground-type physical move drill run has also been added to the tutor list. Whoo!

All-in-all, this isn't bad, but there is a shocking lack of variety in moves once again. There's also the slight problem that all the good fire moves, really, are special, and you are better at physical, so this is a bit of a tricky spot, though not a deal-breaker. You'd be fast, hitting quite hard but probably taking recoil into the not enormous HP pool, and the defences are ok at best. Maybe worth considering, but not really top-table worthy.

(All artwork presented by Ken Sugimori, taken from the Bulbapedia image archives)

#74 - #76: Geodude, Graveler and Golem

Yay! Another evolve by trade from generation one that didn't get a mega evolution. Geodude and co, you can queue for sympathy with Machop.

Geodude... Hmm... For a first evolution you get really good attack (80) and defence (100) and that about covers it. The speed is dreadful at 20, but this works on a trick room team, so that's that. 40 HP and 30 in both specials means you aren't a tank but a physical wall that could do some physical damage in return. You get the main abilities of rock head (prevents move recoil damage, so not things like life orb, but things like double edge or brave bird), and sturdy (basically a focus sash: you can't die in one hit from full health), as well as the hidden ability of sand veil (evasion of the Pokemon increases by 25% in a sandstorm and decreases wild encounter rate in sandstorm afflicted routes). Take your pick for how you'll play. You're rock/ground-type, by the way, so not great but not terrible.

It looks like rabbit poo with arms...

I'm not going to describe tackle, but you get defence curl AND rollout, which combo ok. Mud sport nulls electricity, which you are immune to, so worthless for singles battles, really. Rock polish boosts your speed, which won't make a difference since even at +6 you're dreadfully slow. Magnitude may be worth taking quite early on as a STAB physical to pair with defence curl/rollout combo. Rock throw is an ok rock move, but so is smackdown, which removes immunity to the ground attacks too. Bulldoze is meh-ish but can slow the foe a little, and you get to choose between self-destruct (200) and explosion (250) that kill you straight away. You also get rock blast (2 to 5 attacks base 25), earthquake and stone edge as physical STAB moves, and you can also take advantage of rock head ability with double edge (120 base). One of the main attractions will be stealth rock, too.

TM-wise you can supplement things with the standard array, as well as dig, brick break, return, facade, giga impact, gyro ball (hits harder if you're slower), strength, power-up punch and secret power as physical moves, and a totally useless array of special moves, some of them fairly decent, like flamethrower. Even as Golem, special attack is 55 and not worth your time.

If you feel like sticking on some Barry White and mood lighting, you can breed for a few moves: autotomize (boosts speed by two stages and dramatically reduces weight), block (prevent switching but not things like U-turn), curse (will reduce your speed for other gains, which is pretty good for a gyroball set), endure (means you'll survive the next hit), flail, focus punch, hammer arm (not a bad shout with base 100 power as a fighting move for coverage), mega punch (base 80 normal physical), rock climb and wide guard.

Earth power and snore are kinda worthless due to the dreadful special attack, but you could take things like fire punch, iron defence, superpower and thunder punch from the tutor, so not awful...

Graveler doesn't change abilities or typing, which means that you're still stuck with some crippling weaknesses to popular types, such as water, steel, ground and fighting. You do gain in the stats department, however: 55 HP, 95 attack, 115 defence, 45 in both specials, and 35 speed. That's +15 in everything, and the boost to speed isn't all that welcome, in my opinion.

It's going for a cannonball dive...

You know what else is disappointing: there's NOTHING new for the movelists...

Let's move on to Golem, which is the coolest, most mythological name for this tree... No new typing or abilities. You do now get heavy slam (like the inverse of grass knot it hits the harder the heavier you are) and steamroller (base 60 bug move (physical like everything else it gets) that ruins people who used minimize). TMs and the tutor give you nothing. You also gain some stats: 80 HP is suddenly acceptable, 120 attack and 130 defence are both nothing to turn your nose up at, 55 special attack is worth just flatly ignoring, and 65 special defence means that a water-type attack will kill you since they are mostly special as well as 4x effective, and the speed is still bad enough to be on a trick room team on 45.

Ah yes, the originality of being a ball with limbs... Like Jigglypuff, Clefairy and the previous evolutions...

This family is basically just a physical wall with some revenge damage unless you're determined on a trick room team. The massive water weakness and mediocre special defence basically leave you in serious hell, so this isn't really all that good.

(All artwork presented by Ken Sugimori, taken from the Bulbapedia image archives)

#60-63 + #186: Poliwag, Poliwhirl, Poliwrath and Politoed

Great, another divergent final evolution, and this family is more than a little disturbing since their name comes from the fact that you can see their 'whirl' of intestines through their flesh...

Poliwag is a dopy looking thing which is always that bit bigger than I remember (having seen it dwarf what I've sent out on wonder trade of late). It's fairly cute, but it lacks anything real in terms of stats other than a very nice 90 speed. Every other stat is stuck at a paltry 40 other than the attack at a still-less-than-impressive 50. Wow... The abilities it gets are ok (well, two of them): water absorb is great if you can switch in on a predicted water move as it won't hurt you and will actually heal you a degree damp is still rather dull as all it does is prevent self-destruct and explosion which rarely come up from sane people, and swift swim doubles your already good speed in the rain, so if you run on a rain team, you don't really need to invest in speed EVs.

Cute until you realise the swirl is its entrails on show... 

Water sport is a move I always get bored of seeing on water-type Pokemon since it just weakens fire, but water gun isn't a bad STAB move early on other than it's special, and you are an attacking Pokemon (unless you don't want to evolve (see later)). Hypnosis can put foes to sleep 60% of the time (barring abilities) and bubble is basically water gun but superior in every way other than base power so you'd be mad to stick with water gun... You evolve at level 25, so that gives you plenty of chance to take the forgettable double slap (base 15 per hit on a physical normal move), rain dance (gives double speed and boosted water attack power), body slam (finally a decent power physical move but is only a normal attack: base 85 power and can cause paralysis, plus it deals perfect accuracy with double damage to a minimised foe) and finally bubble beam (think bubble but with 65 power and lower PP).

If you don't evolve, you can take the delights of mud shot (a ground special base 55 power which lowers the foe's speed by one stage), belly drum (halves health, maximises attack, so is a risk, but I would have killed for a Poliwag with belly-drum a few weeks ago when I was trying to breed it onto a Marill and had to go through chaining with Linoone and Walrein...), wake-up slap (base 70 fighting physical that doubles in damage when it wakes a sleeping foe (so connects with hypnosis) and becomes STAB with evolution later on), hydro pump (a very powerful, base 110 special STAB water, attack with low PP and 80 accuracy, so surf may be preferable) and finally mud bomb (base 65 special ground that has a chance of lowering accuracy).

The TM list is rather familiar, but now we have hail, ice beam, blizzard and psychic to pretty much ignore due to the poor special attack of Poliwag, which is a shame since ice beam and psychic would be pretty cool... Facade rears its head once again, along with frustration/return, thief and round. Scald makes an appearance (base 80 water special with a decent chance of burning a foe, which I love). You get secret power, rest, substitute and dig, but you could go for the HM moves: surf is a powerful water special, but you'd be better off going with dive or waterfall, the latter being a better option as it doesn't have a build up turn and has chance to flinch, as well as 5 more in base PP.

With egg moves you can get endure and endeavour, which is highly frustrating as a combo, ice ball (basically an ice version of rollout that grows in power over 5 moves from a base 30 move, yet it hits double if defence curl has been used before), mind reader (means your next attack will not miss), refresh (a reasonable healing move), splash (the greatest move ever as it does nothing (!)) and water pulse (great but special...). If you visit the tutor then you add icy wind, helping hand and snore to your repertoire, which is a bit disappointing.

Upon evolving you actually gain no speed, but everything else gets a little better: 65 HP and 65 attack and defence, and 50 for both specials. There's no change for the abilities and you remain pure water type, which actually isn't too bad a typing for defence in truth.

Is it out canvassing for gym memberships?

By level up, there is no change. However, earthquake, brick break, bulldoze, power-up-punch and rock smash all join the viable moves from TMs and HMs. From the tutor you can now take ice punch and be tempted by focus punch (and since you get substitute, this may work for you).

If you want to go for the water/fighting Poliwrath, you'll need a water stone. The thing is, the previously pretty decent speed has now fallen (!) to 70, which just isn't good enough. Your HP has gone up to 90, and both physical stats are up to 95, with special attack at 70 and special defence at 90, so you lose speed for some survivability. This does kind of make sub/punching fairly viable. You keep the same abilities, but now you do kind of need swift swim to be active to outpace most threats. Even regular Gardevoir can now outpace you, and Gallade will make your life difficult, this even without considering things like Alakazam, Talonflame (as you're now weak to flying, and many flying types are very fast) or even Pikachu...

Definitely advertising gym memberships...

You get a very small list of moves by level up, wiping out most of the previous ones (Poliwhirl learns its last at 53 with mud bomb, the last physical at 43). Here you get circle throw (physical fighting base 60 with 90 accuracy and then knocks the foe out of the battle, dragging in a new one but at very low priority), bubble beam, hypnosis, double slap, and submission (base 80 physical fighting with 80 accuracy and you take recoil that is 25% of the damage inflicted). From levelling to 32 you get dynamic punch (base 100 physical fighting with 50 accuracy, 5PP but will confuse the Pokemon on the receiving end), to 43 you get mind reader and then 53 you could take circle throw if you missed it earlier.

Added to the TM list you get focus blast (not worth it since you have useless special attack compare to physical), rock tomb and rock slide, payback, giga impact (avoid), poison jab (nice and powerful at base 80 and physical coverage) and strength. The tutor adds nothing.

Politoed is a Pokemon I so often forget, maybe since it evolved by trade when holding a King's Rock (like Slowking, and the item is useful in battle as well, so I don't like using it too often for evolving). Politoed remains pure water, and the hidden ability changes from swift swim to drizzle, meaning it summons rain for 5 turns when it comes in (8 with damp rock). The regular abilities stay the same. The stats: base 70 speed, 90 HP, 75 in the physicals, 90 special attack (so you could have taken the special moves earlier on), and 100 special defence. Basically, you're a special wall or support with drizzle to maybe setup swift swimmers or rain dishes.

Hands up who thinks this looks good? Nobody? Great.

Level up moves are again thin on the ground, starting with bubble beam, hypnosis, double slap and perish song (any Pokemon who hears this will be KO'd after 5 turns unless they have soundproof). Swagger, bounce (base 85 physical flying akin to a weaker fly and without the utility) and hyper voice (base 90 normal special, as well as the potential to destroy scenery in battles like rocks).

The TM list looks similar, but you may look more favourably on ice beam, hidden power, psychic, scald (yay!), focus blast and surf. Visiting the tutor is basically a pointless trip unless you missed out on any moves.

All in all, I don't really like this line too much. The final evolutions disappoint since they lose speed, and Politoed disappoints even more since it lack swift swim. Drizzle isn't a bad ability, since you can use it as a great setup, and the lower speed means that it will setup its weather effect second and override the first. The stat distributions don't really make good reading if you want sweepers, but they aren't bad. Arguably the Pokemon are too good as they will be thought of too highly and will be outcompeted by their peers. The move lists are a little underwhelming as well, and this annoys me. The typing is uncommon, maybe unique (I can't think off the top of my head) with Poliwrath, but don't mistake this for being good. By all means, if you like, them, use them, and you could get some success, with the opponent not knowing what to do.

(All artwork presented by Ken Sugimori, taken from the Bulbapedia image archives)